Holo Fossil
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Critique my poem please?
Cambrian World was warmer than
This Holo scene, cold Hell -
Where continents drift not freely
- They sell,sell,sell
Come Ye macromutants!
Come bury us deep in our Debt -
We seeing Things would recoil
- And fossil eyes Forget -
sam I am : Some background-
The Cambrian is a geological period where the first organisms in the fossil record appear. As these creatures are quite 'advanced' evolutionary-wise, some say that they mutated all at once- giving us a sudden explosion of life.
The gradualist view, is that there were 'complex' organisms before the Cambrian, but they just did not fossilize (maybe they had no hard parts)
The theme of the poem is to denounce the macromutation/explosion view, with an undertone of commentary on the futilities of Capitalism.
You have some interesting lines here.
Cambrian World was warmer than
Come Ye macromutants!
We seeing Things would recoil
- And fossil eyes Forget -
It's very original and interesting. I'm not getting a commentary on the futility of capitalism though. If you wouldn't have mentioned that was your point I wouldn't have seen it. I have had the opposite problem in some of my work by drawing the connection so obviously that the work lacked subtlety (which is harder to fix). It probably needs to be a bit longer to give you more space to make the connection. I'd like to see it develop just because you generally write the type of material that I don't see attempted often.
Just my thoughts here.


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